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Old and Alone!!

Leaving from a very long and tiring duty towards my mess I felt that I was Old and Alone. While crossing the main road (as we have to; to reach the other part of the campus) I took a step down from the sidewalk. The left knee buckled and I almost fell on my face on the road ahead which was full of traffic. The feeling of being old was pretty obvious from that but soon after the incident, I realised that none of the people (my batchmates) around me came to help. Not that I particularly wanted them to come and pick me up but enquiring about not getting injured was at least what I was expecting out of them. 
                      Before you judge me, read me a little further. I am no fool who would count this one incident as a reason to write about this topic nor am I a man who is particularly sensitive to share feelings and someone who wants others to pity him. These are just some feelings which I like to describe to my readers from time to time. 

                                                                         
                                       The average age of an Indian male is 63 years. Seeing my current and past health, the near foreseeable future I can say that I have lived half of it. Having said that; I wish and pray to cross that barrier of 63 when my time comes. 
                                                                            Tonight I realised and said hello to getting old. Old not because we don't fall when we are young or when we are not stepping correctly. Old because there were times when I would be fast and wrong, yet my body would take the burden and make sure that I didn't fall on my face. There can be 'n' number of reasons for me to take that fall but I was sure that instant, it was my knee giving away. Giving away due to the overweight it bears. Giving away to constraints in my mind. Giving away to tensions of the future. Giving away because I have forgotten to live in present, rather, I spend most of my time thinking about things that are not in front of my eyes. It often happens that, when we get what we want we tend to forget the very basic need of a good life - Health. We tend to forget how important it is for us to seize every moment we get with our loved ones, to seize every chance and joy which life brings with it. Buckling of my knee somehow made me think of other things which made me feel old. Be it intolerance to cheese and cheesy products, be it inability to party continuously for three days for my birthday, be it inability to sleep comfortably each and every night (due to worries of the unknown).
                                                             Getting old is not new. I am sure most of you who are reading might be able to relate to it. Getting old for me is somehow proving difficult to cope up. Maybe because I am a little bit late in achieving my life goals. Maybe just because I want to be that 22 years old kid who would risk everything on an impulse. Maybe it's not the old age but maturity that comes with it (not that I am very mature) makes me think like this. 


                                                                   The feeling of alone comes with "Dhalti Umar". There comes a time in everyone's life when they start wishing to be gregarious. Although it is too late for me to have that feeling still, I do have it. It's not a longing for a life partner but just another human being who understands what I want to say or portray by my actions. That one person whom you can trust completely. A person whom you can always take granted and that one person whom you can rely on for all the right and wrong things which you do. That one person who stays with you no matter what. Not having that person and the feeling of fulfilment comes with it, irks me sometimes. The "not asking for injury part" did kindle that feeling in me. Apart from that the very unexpected and excellent end of The Murder On The Orient Express made me go deeper inside that thought. While that thought was still in process of being formed, I decided to write tonight's piece. 
                                                                                                Having said all of the above things there is this other thing which I would like to mention about the end of these two thoughts in my mind tonight.

                                                                                    Every dark night is followed by a bright and a sunny day. Every problem has a solution. I have got mine for these two big monsters in my life. I defy the increasing age by working harder and harder. Day and night making sure that I am better than before. Getting up every morning and getting ready to prepare the reports of unknown individuals with fullest of my concentration and capacity. Making sure that I defeat the previous day me every day. Explaining and making my heart understand that life has to be lived to the fullest of excitement and zeal. I do this to make myself fight the bad omens of my life as some of you might do. I believe that it's more honourable to die trying than accepting what comes with good/bad destiny. I believe that the purpose of life is not just to be a drone to your work or a slave to the feeling of earning, it is to make memories, taking your own decisions (mistakes/great ones), taking the control in your hand. Life is to write your own destiny. It is to expect and hope. It is to remain young and with everyone. 
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Comments

  1. I can totally relate to the "dhalti umar". Though you've got to be with yourself and that is what life outside India has taught me, you are never alone if you are with yourself.

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    1. Yeah I het that feelimg too even in India. No matter wherever you go. No matter what ever you do. You have to be with yourself

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