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The State

Sitting in a pub at 00:27 hours I suddenly realised that I was getting bored. Not because I didn't enjoy music or relaxing. It's mostly because I didn't care about that particular kind of atmosphere anymore. People gathered in a tight place, bodies touching and sweating. Dancing drunk on each and every song as if it benefits them directly playing that song, not even realising that the dance steps which they did, do not match the beats and actions on which they are getting impressed by each other are actually stupid for any sober human being. I also got a feeling of repulsion from myself, when I thought that I was one of them a few years ago. Realising it would be difficult to live with this feeling inside me I made a mental note that I was going to think about it and probably write too. 
                                                               

                                                                    To begin with, I think the I overreacted to the situation at that time. I had a beautiful and interesting tinder date sitting beside me. I had my favourite beer in my hands, still, the feeling of not to be there was immense. It was an overreaction for sure because if I think retrospectively, everything was as it should have been except I not accepting it. So the question which came to my mind was - Why so serious? What was I feeling bad about? Am I too old to feel that way or is it just the pressure of work which made me feel low? It was not just these but many more plausible reasons (too personal)  which I thought about while thinking about the problem. Finally, I came to a conclusion which I would like to share with my readers. 


                                                                          After pondering over that fact I realised that it wasn't any of the above-said reasons. Finally, I had reached that stage of my life when not just days but hours and every second in those hours were valuable. I had been a doctor for three years, but, now my time was not mine. It was my patient's time. If not them it was the time for my subject. My Research. While practising I was so engrossed in my work that I didn't realise it. That one night. That one date and that one drink made me realise it. 
                                                                      

                                                                       Sitting there I was thinking about my itinerary for the next day. Girl sitting beside me did not matter anymore. I was so preoccupied with the results which were to come next day that I forgot about that present. Although it may sound a little foolish, we in medicine have a habit of thinking ahead (DOCTOR'S DAY) and run a course of disease in our mind according to symptoms and reports. It helps to improvise whenever the situation demands. Knowing that I was going the right way, I had this happy and satisfying feeling inside me. I had grown up. It had finally happened. My work was more important than anything else in my life. Not just to earn money but also for eternal happiness. I had reached that level of being a workaholic. In those thirty minutes, I had proved many people wrong, especially those who believed I'll never be serious about my work. I had done it. The first problem was solved in my mind.

                                                                     Now came the problem of seeing myself doing exactly same thing a few years back. That repulsive thing which I talked about in the first few lines of this writeup. I thought a lot about it too and the answer was there, right there in the solution of the first feeling. The State of mind. Different state of mind. Different set and order of priorities. When I was on the other side I was a boy, who was carefree, not worried about making mistakes. A boy who was not responsible for lives of other. A boy who would sleep at four am in morning and get up at seven not worrying about something going wrong due to sleep deprivation. A boy who would learn from his subjects. A boy who would see others in pain and work towards being a man who faces all the hardships of the world. A boy who would become a doctor. A doctor who would play his smallest of the part in this immensely vast knowledge of medicine. I was immature when I was expected to be. This also made me realise that maybe most of them who were doing wrong steps there were kids like I was once. Kids who would grow up to make definitive changes in the history of human race. Kids who didn't know at that particular time that their time was about to come. A time to choose a different life which would change their State of Mind
                                                                  Having said all these things I believe that it happens with everyone. Some of us are smart enough (I wasn't) to see this kind of change in others and follow them and their ways. Some of us take our own sweet time to change. Then there are others who change due to slips of destiny and few more others who never change and ultimately cease to exist. Whatever the situation is, the conclusion is that we have to CHANGE.  Change is the only constant. Life is a dynamic mixture of changes (fortunes&misfortunes). Change is the only thing which makes you fittest and as we all know the fittest survive. So, my friend change as much as you can because if you don't someone else will.
                           Winston Churchill rightly said - 

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